The mom who has been replaced

I started this post days ago, but I'm happy I didn't post due to my emotions running rampant. I've been a walking nut case for the last 4 (longest) days. This whole full-time working mom adjustment is so different than I even anticipated. My emotions may be crazy and you may call me dramatic, but their raw and sensitive and real right now.

I knew I would miss my kiddos, but I had no idea I'd have a better water works show than Old Faithful every morning after I kissed my kiddos and watched a near stranger cuddle them on the couch. I didn't realize that my heart would feel heavy and sorrowful through out the day bemidst a smiling happy face. I am a tough cookie most of the time... not easily shaken, but this has gone to my core.


And call me crazy, but this lady who comes to watch MY kids also does MY laundry, folds MY clothes, cleans MY toilets... and it bugs me. And she does it so flawlessly. She even cleaned my bedroom and bathroom... including the cupboard under my vanity and my shower. Dang her!

And my kids are happy and healthy and don't run to me screaming with outstretched arms when she walks through the door. My husband said that he came home and "it was AMAZING! The kids were sitting on the couch all well behaved, British school style, and the house was immaculate!" Dang her! (And him!)

I felt replaced... forgotten... unimportant. Didn't my kids miss me? Didn't my husband realize that this is her first week - she's probably just trying to show off? I did all that too... sometimes. I was a good stay-at-home mom... right?

But, like I said... I'm glad I'm writing this today and not 3 days ago. I've got perspective now. My kids miss me, and it's obvious. They took turns wanting me to hold them this morning, hugging, kissing and not letting me put them down. They miss me. My babysitter is awesome. I have the luxury of coming home to a clean house, my laundry done, and my kids healthy, happy, and content. I've got the best baby sitter ever. I realize now, that it's going to be OK. It's getting easier and easier to turn the pressure down on my leaking eyes in the morning. It's just hours till I'll see my babies again. It'll be ok.






On a different note... I'm getting ready to post my first give away. Hint... it has to do with JuJuBee. For all you new or soon to be moms, or a great gift idea, this one is for you! What would you do if you won??

It's a job

So ... how did it go? My first day of wearing my work-full-time hat? It was like any first day... it sucked. I've never been a good first day-er. I miss my kids. I know... I'm throwing a fit.

I had a long conversation with my dad tonight. Poor man was trying to make me keep perspective and I complained and moaned like a little girl would do... roles fitting perfectly. Just go back tomorrow, he kept saying.

I'm very fortunate to have a job in this economy, I do appreciate that. And selling home store furniture is a great job to help my growing (up not in number!) family. The beautiful thing is that it's exactly what it is... a JOB. And at the end of the day I realize it's a means to an end. It lit a fire under my rear, sparking some hidden drive to start reaching for what I really want out of life. Even though this obviously is not it, I'm driven more today than I was yesterday to let my creative juices flow, take some chances, do more research.

I'm going to sleep tonight detemine, filled with a passion to defy the odds, succeed in my hearts desires, even if it's just for a reason to move past furniture sales. I will succeed, I will be one of those that gets paid to live out passions... just watch me.

Goodnight.

My last day of freedom

Today marks my last day of freedom...

freedom to do (or not do) laundry all day

freedom to blog, cough, I mean CLEAN during nap time

freedom to clean my house allll the long day (or rush like a mad woman making it look clean 25 minutes before the hubbs gets home). (If you haven't mastered this skill... you should try it! Practice makes perfect!)

freedom to stay in my pjs till 3:45 every day

freedom to cuddle my babies to sleep at nap times

freedom to make 2 hour-ahead-of-time dinner decisions.

freedom to say yes to every single play date invite. 

freedom to stay up super late- even on weekday nights.

freedom to agree to whatever appointment time the doctor's office offers.

But, tomorrow marks the beginning....

beginning of a new lifestyle

beginning of new found independence

beginning of a new technique on mastering love in smaller time incraments

beginning of a new entry on my resume

beginning of a new appreciation for working mothers

beginning of a learning (and sleeping) curve

beginning of a new financial journey

I'm nervous as can be, but I am keeping perspective. My hat goes off to those moms who did not get the option of staying home with their babies; venturing off back to work just a few months after introducing new life into the world. I'm fortunate enough to have stayed home for 2 days shy of 9 months of my youngest daughter's life. But, as mom's together, we all do what's best in the interest of our children... no matter the journey. 

Life changes

It's funny... every time I pop open this post page I am flooded with ideas. That's not a bad thing I guess! But today, I want to talk about a VERY big change happening in my life. 

I am about to embark on a whole new advenure. I'm in the last week of my stay-at-home mom days and joining the full-time working moms club next Tuesday. To say I'm just a tad bit nervous is an understatement.

I am nervous my kids will miss me too much.

I'm nervous that I will miss them too much.

I'm nervous that I'll be too spread thin.

I'm going to miss my "cuddle afternoons".

BUT....I'm also to the point that there is no way this is my plan... it's God's plan. I have always believed if it's not falling in to place that it's not supposed to heppen. Well, everything, I mean everything has worked out. I can't believe how perfectly it worked out, either.

So this week, I'm spending my time trying to get caught up on the home front so I'm set up for success on that first day. In the mean time, I'm cuddling and hugging and kissing my kids more, and ignoring the knots in my stomach because I know my God is bigger than my problems, and obviously He's got a plan. Still in disbelief though... makes my shake my head. 

Today, I was "appentized"

First off, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my church! It is random and crazy and loud... all to bring people to Jesus... and it WORKS! 

Today, I sat in my purple chair in stadium seating style, just like I do almost every week on Sundays. Up on the screen, there was live video footage of three different fonts that were set up out in the grassy area just out front. Each one had a person getting baptized, and the view rotated from fonts as they were getting dunked . We were asked to cheer from inside as each one came up from the water. It was pretty cool, and we sang and cheered. 

Then, I recognized one of the people, and realized it was my good friend Jess! I punched Curtis, who was standing next to me, and nearly screamed, "hey! It's Jess!" I cheered extra loud for her! Then, I informed Curtis that I would be right back, and ran outside to where they were doing baptisms to congratulate her. I will say, I was a little tad bit annoyed that she didnt inform us that she would be doing this and just thought she was being secretive. Ha! Little did I know. So, I ran outside and saw her hubby (she was back changing), and at one point mentioned that I didn't know she was doing this today. He said, "she didn't either!" Hmmm... that's when I thought, better get back to see what this is all about! My weird church, I thought, what are they up to now? I quickly congratulated Jess, and ran back in. 

What a service! What Pastor Linn said was in a nutshell all of my findings and hearts realizations over the last few months. Phrases were clicking in my head with new light... "PERSONAL Jesus" ... "empty good works"... it was CRAZY! It was AWESOME! 

Pastor Linn urged us to be fearless in making Jesus famous. He even came up with some ideas. One was to slow down to atleast 10 miles of the speed limit and cut out the one-fingered salutes on the roadway, and then slap a Cornerstone bumper sticker on our car. I rock the bumper sticker even though I must say, I don't stay within 10 MPH, but I DID cut one finger salutes out of my driving routine. Another one was to reach out and invite family members or friends to church  - I've also done that a couple times. He also suggested diving right in to those Jesus conversations, without fear. I am pretty good at that, and only curl up in fear when it's certain people... so I guess I could do that better. But, the next one struck a chord...declare that Jesus is your personal King and Savior to the world by getting baptized. BAM! He even had counter attacks on the excuses why we couldn't... they were equiped with towels and a t-shirt and shorts and cut the sermon early so there was time! Hmmm... that crazy church! And Ray (Jessica's Husband) WASN'T lying... she had NO idea! 

So, Pastor Linn told those of us that wanted to get baptized to stand up and go to a booth outside when the band started playing if we wanted to be baptized. I looked to Curtis, who was baptized a year ago, and said, "should I?". He said"I think you... (loooong pause)should!". I said,"ok! See ya later!" Haha... he said, "Im coming with ya!" 

Let me go back to when I was eight really quick. I was baptized by my step-dad in the Mormon religion. It was beautiful... I played the piano with my piano teacher, and I was in awe at the experience and how I felt. Now fast forward to a year ago... about when Curtis got baptized at Cornerstone. My mindset at that time was that I had already been baptized... why do it again? My experience was so amazing... why would I discount that to nothing by getting baptized again? Didn't that count? I mean... baptism is baptism is baptism... right?

Now fast forward to today. A counselor met with me real quick, verifying that I had indeed accepted Christ. At a different time, I mentioned that I had been baptized before as a Mormon. Then (bless his soul), he asked if Baptism was necessary for my salvation. LIGHTBULB! I almost yelled out of excitement! NO! He's done the work!

Today, I decided to get baptized because my faith had completely transformed. This baptism today, was a personal and public declaration that I was forgiven... of ALL my sins when I accepted Christ. It was a declaration that He is my PERSONAL Savior. It was a declaration that I HAVE a RELATIONSHIP with my God, and that no matter how "good" I am... actions will not get me in to Heaven... I don't have to EARN my way, He already did. It was a declaration that I know Jesus died for my sins, and was risen.

It was just as beautiful as the first... if not more. It was funny. My friend Kory was the one to baptize me and it was all I could do to not SCREAM HALLELUJAH when he asked me if I accept Christ as my PERSONAL Savior! He died for me! My sins! And today... and everyday, the Glory is His because that is the LEAST I could do!

Oh, and about the title...I asked Curtis to grab the kids so they could be part of this and that they could see what baptism looks like. Jayden, in all her cute 5 year old glory told us on the way out that she wants to be "appentized" too! What a perfect comment to end a perfect morning!

Ps... my great friend Ryan just randomly sent a text that she had been going through pictures and noticed it was almost a year since Curtis had been baptized. He was baptized November 20th last year. Almost exactly a year apart. My friend Ryan had no idea that I was baptized today when she sent that text... she is in Kentucky right now!

PPS... Curtid and I accepted Christ into our lives (I renewed) the same day a couple years ago with out even knowing it... I was at Cornerstone and He was at Man Camp in Williams AZ. 

5 Pretty awesome baby gifts!

So... I was reading another blog when I got this idea. I came up with 5 things that were great to have that broke out of the normal, bouncer, high chair, stroller type of list. Here goes!

 

1. First up! Pacimals.

Picture courtesy of www.pacimals.com

This thing was AMAZING. We got one from my dear friend Chelsea when I was due with Brooklyn. It is a stuffed animal that is attached to a NUK like pacifier (just like the one from the hospital).  I had never heard or seen one of these, and we sure got a TON of questions when our little headed, tiny baby had a stuffed animal hanging out of her mouth. It was so nice though, because it helped her keep her "sussy" in her mouth and when she lost it, it was easier for her to put it back in. It also helped her learn to hold her own bottle before she was 3 months old. Their a bit pricey, but they are definitely worth every penny!

 

You can find that here!

 

 

 

2. Arm and Hammer Diaper Bag Dispenser

 

Picture courtesy of Target.com



I didn't know anything about these until my good friend Ryan registered for this when she was expecting her adorable girl. Essentially it is just like doggy poop bags, but it smells good. These are a LIFESAVER when you're little one takes a stinky, and you don't feel comfortable throwing it anywhere. These are also great for clothes that are soiled when you are out, you don't feel dirty throwing it back in to your diaper bag. Best part? These are CHEAP!!

 

You can find that here!

 

 

3. A diaper warmer

 

Picture courtesy of Target.com

Being in Arizona, I didn't think I'd get much use out of it... but man was I mistaken! It was SO nice to have, and I still use one! Mine is old school status, but it's definitely GREAT to have on those chilly winter mornings (ya know... the ones that are 70 degrees). They also have on the go ones as well... don't know how that works but it seems pretty cool! The full size ones start about $22 bucks here!

 

 

4. Boogie Wipes

 

Picture courtesy of Target.com

These are a MUST have during these cold winter months, or the teething months, or any other months! These are wipes with Saline, so they are super soft on those little (and BIG) noses. I have personally used them, and they are fabulous minus the fact they took my make up right off my nose. These ones are grape scented... so good you have to avoid the urge to eat it! You can find those here!

 

 

5. Johnson's Bedtime Bath

 

Picture courtesy of Target.com
 

This stuff works WONDERS. I wish I would have used it for my other two because they were all colicky, but I did use it for London, and it REALLY does help them relax. I think it helps mommy relax a little, too. Definitely a great gift! You can find that here!

 

 

There you go! If I can think of anything else, I'll add at a later date! There are SO many must haves out there for babies, but I think these were my SAVING grace!

 



You know you're a baby hoarder when...

A RaNdOm blog (with rAnDoM pictures!)...

 

 

Often, I am called a "baby hoarder" because of my obsession with little rolled up fists and indentions on knuckles, elbows, and toes. I'm obsessed with child birth... the before, during and after. If I'm not holding my own babies, I'm holding other peoples, most likely. There's just so much joy in a new little life... so innocent, so pure, so ADORABLE. I think those people might just be right...

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you have 3 cribs... but no twins.

 

London standing in her high chair... she thought it was HILARIOUS! me? not so much!

 

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when your OBGYN tells you that you're having triplets... the hard way.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you change upwards of 12 dirty diapers in one day... and you don't work at a day care.

 

You know you're a baby hoader when you can't go on a walk by yourself because you are out numbered by babies, and double stroller isn't large enough.

 

just a few weeks before London was born.. I miss walking!

 

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you're whole back seat is carseats and you have to slam the door to make them all fit.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when one year, your family fits into a midsized sedan with an extra seat, and the same time next year, you require a mini van or full sized SUV just so everyone fits!

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when your WEEKLY trips to Costco are just for 2 boxes of diapers (one size apart), a box of wipes, and a can of formula.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when not only do you have 3 babies at home, but when you serve at church... it's in the nursery.

 

Brooklyn got herself dressed...shirt, dress and a size too small jeans!

 

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when the YOUNG ladies that served when your oldest was in the nursery are the same YOUNG ladies that are still serving with you're third... and their still YOUNG!

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you go through all your winter clothes from the last three years, and every single one is baggy in the tummy area.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you have been pregnant for 3 years.... virtually straight.

 

London stole my toothbrush :)

 

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you *sorry men* haven't had a period since 2009.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you have a baby in 12 month clothes, a baby in 18 month clothes, and another one in 2t.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder if you know what Irish twins mean... twice.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when two weeks of sleeping through the night since 2009 is better than 5 Christmas mornings combined!

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you work at a Children's furniture store/boutique for... SANITY????

 

Maddox getting his hair cut by daddy...

Maddox's sweet Cul-de-sac

 

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when this is the looooongest you've been not pregnant after giving birth... and you're baby is only 8 months old.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you check in at the doctors office, and the birth years are 2009, 2010, 2011.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you are cussing out the other mothers who have put their ONE child into to the grocery cart with the car, which happens to be LITERALLY THE ONLY WAY you can grocery shop.

 

My sweet HANDSOME HAIRLESS little boy!

 

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when just you're offspring fill up the Costco cart, with no room for purchased items.

 

You know you're a baby hoarder when you just finished 7 loads of laundry, and you realize you STILL have 3 left... and you just did laundry 5 days ago with a few loads in between!

 

Brooklyn at the Veteran's day parade

 

It's funny (what the HECK was I thinkin'!) when you put it all down like this. I lived THROUGH it and I'm still shaking my head when any of these things happen. Luckily.. I have a sense of humor, and we have plenty of dance parties to upset this crazyness! One of these days, I need to catch a Gaither dance party on video... it's prettttyy epic!

 

Thanks for listening to my randomness- and THIS CRAZINESS is what I'm thankful for Today!!!

 

 

 

Pretty London dressed up!

 

 

P.s. Just a heads up for all you planners out there .. it's time to start getting addresses for Christmas cards! Not trying to steal thunder from Thanksgiving, but there's only 41 days before Christmas! And if you're reading this... PLEASE send me your address so I can get a head start!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Day 13: thankful for...

DAY 13

 

Today, I am thankful for true friends...

 

As a project for our small group in the study of Crazy Love, we went around the room asking each other what is needed, and how we can help each other out. This turned out PREETTTY cool!

 

Today, I got to drop my THREE children off free of CHARGE because I have a sweet friend, Ashley, who has three kids of her own, mind you. She graciously took them after I was probably 20 minutes late, and had fun with them for four hours, and the extra 20 minutes that I was late at the end. I got a bunch of laundry done, all three bathrooms cleaned, the girls' clothes sorted, and a couple errands run... KID FREE!

 

It was pretty awesome!

 

 

 

Thank you, Ashley... that helped out a lot!

 

I just have to give props to my really awesome small group. After having some struggles making new friends that have the same beliefs and life struggles (even though no one is crazy enough to have 5 kids), I feel I was truly blessed to stumble upon these women. I don't think there is a single one of them that I can't call when the going gets rough. I hope they feel the same as me.

 

Having community is soooo important. especially for women. It takes effort, but it's what we all need. It seems as if the effort is out weighed by the rejuvination that comes with it. We need someone to help pick us up when we are down. Wipe away the tears, someone to cry with us. Lift each other up in prayer, and positive emails and nice notes. Our husbands are great and dandy for a good bear hug, but no one knows us like our girl friends do. I didn't have that for a long time. It was just me and the good old hubs. But lately, I really have been trying to cultivate relationships, as best as possible. It's been rewarding my life, and I feel truely loved.

 

 

 

I really urge everyone reading this to tell your friends you are grateful for them being in your life. If you don't have that best friend, keep looking. Sure, you're heart might get broken along the way. But don't let that stop you. Mine has, and very recently. Friends who I thought were friends really weren't, and I felt foolish for being so trusting. It hurt... and time passed... and I got back up on that horse. I once heard that only 2 people in your whole life time will you consider your closest, bestest friend. And I also believe that it is better to have love and lost, then to never loved at all.

 

 I'm grateful to have many friends along the way that I don't talk to daily, weekly, or even monthly. But I hope those people know that my door is always open, I'm still here, and I'm still thinking about you!

 

Have a good night...

 

ps.... only 9 days till Thanksgiving!! OMG! What are you're plans?

 

 



Day 9

I think I fixed the blog and starting to finally fall in love with it!

Day 9 ...

Today I am thankful for being UNIQUE!

i am short. a mother. a step-mom. a SpAz. an over analyzer. sensitive. always THINKING. a piano player. *a daughter of an almighty God*. a SnOwBoArDeR. ocd, creative.  an open book. i love my *children*. my husband. my dogs. my bedroom. to clean. self-help books. MUSIC. God.to LEARN new things. OVER ACHIEVING. praise.  i want to change a life. bRiNg SoMeOne To ChRiSt. love unconditionally. teach my children LOVE. be SLOW to anger. grow old. get my tattoo. have LIFE LONG girlfriends. *~dAnCe TiLL iM oLd~* be missed when I die. live a good life.

have a great 9th of November!!

Day 8- I'm thankful for...

So today I'm going to lighten it up a little bit. My last few posts have been

HEAVY!

But first... I need some help!

First... I would LOVE some feedback from my readers. I know there are a BILLION blogs out there, but I know I've got some readers (I can track you!) and I would love some feedback. Feedback that is positive and negative in a positive way are welcome. I don't require you to be signed up with blogger to post a comment, so you can even remain anonymous! If you do have an account, I would love if you'd add yourself as a follower!

Secondly, I just went through and changed the whole layout. Let me know what you think about it! I'm working on getting the main blog entries text easier to see, but the system has been a pain to me lately. Let me know if there are other things that can be fixed too!

Thirdly... Thank you for everyone who does take time to read this. I absolutely LOVE writing, I have done it since I was a teen. It's been the one nook in this crazy world that remains mine, and no one elses. I'm also still working on my niche, so it's going to bounce around, but hopefully I'll get in to a routine soon! So thank you for joining me on this journey!

Ok... upward and onward!!! I decided today that since I've been EXCELLENT at blogging daily, and NOT at posting what I'm thankful for on facebook, I could kill two birds with one stone- and get my fix for both!

Day 8 - Today, I am thankful for my son Maddox. I love him, with all of my heart, but there is something that uniquely just tugs at my heart strings. He has the innate ability to hear music in just normal everyday noises. For instance, we were at Target a few weeks ago and a car alarm was going off nearby. With out even thinking about it, he started bobbin his head to the beat. At first I laughed, but then after thinking about it, I started bobbin my head too. There's music all around us. There's reason to dance all around us... it just depends on your perspective. My first perspective of the car alarm was that it was reeeally annoying. But to a 19 month old... it held a great beat. Today, and hopefully every day I can look at the positive in all things, and let loose and dance, even if it is to a random car alarm. Thank you Maddox, for being so "in tune"!

Living the Fatherless life

I had an interesting encounter last night while working at the children's boutique. I was sitting in here, minding my business like always, when a young man came in to the store. He asked me how my night was going, I said my usual response of "fine, how about you" and he responded, "GREAT- I got a job!". I inquired further, half bothered because he was stealing precious moments of Pinterest away from me, but the other half was intrigued. I found out this young man found his first ever job, on his own, working for a call center making $11.50 an hour. He asked me how old he thought he was, doing this weird prance/not-staying-still motion the whole time. I replied, "18" in which he responded, "yes, but I feel 35". Within moments I had his whole life story. In the midst of the autobiography he verbally vomited at me, he had an excuse for living a difficult life filled with drug deals gone bad and transient adventures. His excuse was simply... "I didn't have a father".

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this young man. And our conversation raised an interesting thought in my mind.

My husband never got the opportunity to meet his father. He has two daughters, from seperate moms, and is not there every single day to live out all of their adventures with them. The oldest daughter's mother is extremely proactive in including my husband in everything that is the least bit important. On the other side of the spectrum, our second oldest daughter's mother doesn't communicate during the week (which is "her" time), even if she's lost her first tooth or done great in school; we're still wondering what she was for Halloween. 

The difference in the two girls is nothing to go unnoticed. While the first daughter is excelling in school, reading almost 2 grade levels ahead, and a pleasure to be around, the second daughter has been in two fights in the first few months of kindergarten. I'm not a psychologist, and I know there are probably other factors that could affect that, but I feel like it has a lot to do with the involvement of my husband in their lives. Through all of this, I'm seeing just how important a father is. I also believe there are two ways to deal with it (which may be easier said then done)... rise up or let it break you. Rise up, like my husband has done... being one of the greatest, most loving fathers anyone could ask for. Or let it break you, like this young man did - using it as an excuse for living the life he knew was sub-par.

My prayers are with this guy, and I encouraged him to come back in a visit me whenever he was in the mall. Hopefully he will be one to rise up.

Was a Mormon... now a Baptist

I have this weird thing that happens to me. If I'm woken up in the early morning, my brain starts going full blast, and I have to decide to get up and be productive or lay in bed hoping to doze off before the kids wake up. It's 4:30, Curtis woke me up to ask where his voter card is, so here I am, and I feel I've got to write this down! 

Today is election day, and we may or may not have a Mormon president starting in January. For our countries sake, I hope we do, but that's not what this blog is about. 

The first 17 years of my life, I was Mormon, and now I am Baptist. And you know what? The Mormons in my life are more accepting of me being a Christian than some Christians were when they found out I had been Mormon. Isn't that crazy? I mean really... Mormons are thought of as a "cult" and Christians quite literally declare they are CHRIST followers, meaning they love everyone. I think it's safe to say that I would have even been treated BETTER if I had never felt Christ's love before. Even though I know the Bible teachings almost as much as someone who graduated from Biola, it didn't make a difference. Regardless of people literally turning their back to me, denying me in small groups or even facilitating our own, pretending not to see me every single time they walked by me, and really hurting my heart, I pressed on. Luckily, I know Christ's love, and He can see what is going on and He is the true judge. I know every Christian isn't like this, but this was my experience, and still is today. 

This blog is not really about the judgement I received from my new church, but more to just let you know how this journey has been. I was the first one in my family to pave this path. I had no mentors because it seemed like everyone who was in my shoes was angry and bitter at the LDS church and believed every lie told to them, whereas I was never resentful. Every Christian I talked to had no idea how to help, IF they even wanted to. I had to realize that no Christian knew where I came from, and no Mormon knew where I was going...therefore no one had any answers, just opinions and things they "thought". So it was just me and God. 

The road traveled from where I was to where I am today has been a hard one. One of extreme conflict. Conflict between the thoughts engrained in my mind and the feelings of my heart. Conflict between what is right and wrong. People telling me that THIS Christ we adore is different then your OLD Christ.You have been worshiping an idol your whole life. How was that possible? You also are learning these lessons from HIS word, the bible, the SAME way I did for 17 years. Yes, a lot was added in terms of other books, but Moses still parted the Red Sea. God also taught to tithe. In Matthew, he taught to "let your light so shine before men, that they may see you're good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven" (5:16 KJV). In Revelations, he STILL says, " I am the Alpha and the Omega,"... "who is, and was, and who is to come..." (1:8 NIV).
 Leaving the LDS church alone is a difficult thing, but then to literally carve a new path of understanding was a whole new ballpark. At first, I thought maybe the bible was different. Not that I can tell so far! Then I thought, the pastor must be teaching different lessons. Nope... not so far! Sure my terminology was different, but is that enough to literally rebuke me? What was so different that made me so different? Isn't it possible that God blessed me with discernment and that I was different? I mean really, I chose to leave the church. My heart hurt at times, but I had to stay strong and figure it out for myself.

I've come to THIS point in my life, so far. I did not worship a different God. I can stand here today and tell you that MY GOD, my Savior is the same as He was when I first fell in love as a child. He is the same one who has blessed me beyond measure, and carried me through the rough times. Sure, my VIEW of Him has changed...I now view Him as one, and not two seperate beings, but He is the same. My VIEW has changed in my APPRECIATION of him because now He is so extremely, gigantically powerfully HUGE that he holds the whole millions of universes in his Hands, but He also is MY best friend and I can talk to him any time I want. I now believe in his Atonement for my sins and grace more than I ever did, because I don't believe my actions alone will get me in to Heaven, but since I yearn to learn more and fall more deeply in love with Him, He is saving me a spot... it's not something I'll earn.
This seems so simple, but I have been trying to figure out what the main differences in beliefs are between the two practices for over 2 years and it wasn't easy. Everyone wanted to tell me what the Mormons believed, but no one got that I wanted to know what they believed. I needed to know the theology behind it. These are the 3 things I have found so far... the Trinity, that God is my daddy, and He died on the cross for ALL of my sins, past, present, and future and his grace will allow me in to heaven. 

I'm still on a walk, and will never have all the answers. But, I believe God puts you in certain situations, and that others can learn from your experiences. I don't even know why I wrote this blog, especially because this is something super personal to me, but I did and hopefully someday it can help someone some where in some way!

L&D... my experience... your gain

After FINALLY hearing the triage nurse say," yep... your in labor!", getting wheeled back past the swinging doors to the mystical place where little lives were first introduced to the world, and realizing THIS IS IT, I knew I was in love. I loved the whole experience... even from the false calls (or high hopes) and being sent home because it was not time yet, to the cutting of the wristbands, clearing the way to embark on the scariest car ride of my life. It was a mix of emotions with thoughts flooding my head.

Am I ready? 

Are WE ready? 

Am I going to be a good mom? 

Is this totally going to gross out my husband? 

What if she gets stuck? 

Only one way to find out... Let's GO! 

Here's a couple of things that truly made a difference and my best pieces of advice.

There are a lot of people that I know that are pregnant for the first time, and a few that are for the second time. I had three, and they were all completely different. With Brooklyn, my water "leaked" but they had to start active labor with Pitocin. With Maddox, I had contractions and went in... it was the "normal" labor. With London, I was induced. This being said, I don't think you can be a pro at this, per se, but I hope my experiences help. 

With ALL THREE, I went in "thinking" I was in labor, just to be sent home. When people say "it happens to almost everyone", they're not just saying that to make you feel better... it's the truth. It is better to be safe than sorry. And you're obviously no better than me if you do! 

I realized something SUPER important after having Brooklyn that paid off with the other two... I realized I needed to be REALLY nosy and voice my opinion. Before I had Brooklyn, I knew something was going on because I had soaked through pants after pants. My doctor's nurse told me when I called that it definitely was not my water breaking. If it was, it would have gushed, and I quote, "like in the movies".

 My doctor is lucky that he is Ah-mazing! I started googling, and luckily I realized that I was right, and she was not. Brooklyn was "Sunny side up" so her head was acting as a plug, only letting my water out in little bits. When it hurts, tell the nurses. When you want the epidural, if you choose to have one, tell the nurse. If you feel the urge to push, tell the nurse. When you want more epidural juice, tell them. They are here to help YOU be as comfortable and healthy as possible through this whole process, and so they need to know what's going on. When I was in labor with London, my last, the doc asked the nurse over the walkie-talkie thing if he had time to finish up a surgery. I screamed, "HELL NO!", and good thing he heard me because if not, that nurse would have delivered her!

My plan is to follow this up with a couple more blogs on the topic, since obviously nap time has concluded for the day here at the Gaithers... so stay tuned!