Mental Health Epidemic (please share... it's time for change)

I'm still in shock about what happened in Newtown, Connecticut last Friday, as I am sure you are, too. The greatest fear of a parent is losing a child. The fear is in the back of our minds when our babies are fresh out of the womb and the doctor has lectured us on the chance of SIDS. It is flashing its terror when we take our eyes off our children to look at a price tag on an adorable new shirt, just to look back down and the child has disappeared - luckily hiding under the hanging clothes on the next rack over. It is causing us to hold our babies closer, tighter before kissing them good night. I felt the heartbreak of that tragic day, but I also felt fear of something else.

I very well think I could be the family member who is on the other side of that tragedy. My little (but not so little) sister is mentally unstable. She is barely 13 years old, and has not attended school for about 2 years. She is adopted, the only African-American in a big white family, and mentally troubled.

I first met this sweet adorable girl when she was just six months old. I will never forget coming home from my last day of eighth grade to meet this little girl we got to foster with a bald spot on the back of her head and cute chubby cheeks. I fell in love, fast. I wanted her to be my own and was often jealous that my parents got her. My large family of 5 kids all fell in love, and we finally adopted her when she was two.

Now, she is a different girl. Taller than me, which I know is not a giant feat, with a bigger build. She is "socially awkward" as the news describes every mass murderer. She has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, determined a Sociopath. She feels no guilt, no remorse. It has been a constant battle to get her to school, so much that there's no point. I tried housing her, thinking maybe I could change her, but it ended with the police being called, and fear for my children. She has thrown a television down a flight of stairs directed at my step-dad. When she did not get to keep her cell phone after abuse of the data usage (use your imagination), she threatened to burn down the house, which also held my step-dads livelyhood - the books he sold on Amazon. She has led people that are across the country to believe that she is in precarious situations, using different aliases, making up untrue stories all indicating that she is in danger - random people she reaches by phone. She has voicemails of people, mostly random people from other parts of the country or schoolmates, threatening that if she calls again they will call the cops. She is that "creepy" person. She has almost overdosed (as she claimed) in an attempt to end her life. My little brother, almost 17, is developmentally delayed, and the combination of their conditions is not to be mixed. Her disabilities set off his, and they are constantly at war. She has not threatened murder, but she is still young... and I personally would not put it past her.

We have done everything to try and help her - called the cops an insane number of times, in-home counseling, admitted her to a mental institution (which only lasted days), tried to house her in an in-patient facility just to get denied, bounced her from house to house trying to see if we could fix her, and we are almost out of options. She needs help. My mom needs help. My sister is too big, too strong to be held back. We are THOSE people pleading for help so that my sister is not the next person on the news, taking her own life or someone elses.

Some of the conversation in media has been heading in the right direction - mental health NEEDS to be addressed. Services for kids who are capable of this NEED to be offered and accessible and AFORDABLE. The families need to have programs that support them... these moms need help. They can't do it on their own. They can't live with that fear. I need to know that I am safe, my mom is safe, my step-dad is safe, and my brothers and sisters are safe. Every parent and family member of sociopathic children need to know that they are safe. 

I read this blog post which has gone viral, called I am Adam Lanza's Mother and it opened up my eyes that we weren't the only ones screaming for help. She paved the way for the people who have swept this under the rug in an attempt to fake "normalcy", the "picture perfect life". It was nice to know we weren't alone. It was relieving to know we weren't the only ones with the financial issue, the frustration, the heartbreak. It's ironic because my sister currently is in Boise, Idaho, where the author lives, and the services have been better up there. She was admitted to a metal hospital much easier than here, where every time we call the cops, they stop by and do nothing. If it's this bad everywhere else, maybe THAT is the issue we need to focus on! Maybe we need to government to instead of talk about banning guns, they should help the people BEHIND the gun - the people who have mental issues affecting their judgement on morals and right and wrong. It's time we start making some noise, and realize theres more of us out here, and lets start making a change. Those little lives shouldn't die in vain, nor should Adam Lanza's mother, nor should we who have children with mental issues.

Jingle Bells

It's been a CRAZY week, or month I should say! I can't believe Christmas is just 12 days away! And here's a confession...

I haven't bought one gift yet! 

We JUST got our tree up. I hate that. But I am just SO exhausted after work that I don't have energy to do it, or I'm getting home after the kiddos are asleep. 

The joys of being a working momma I guess. 

Speaking of momma, for all of you out there who have had one or are expecting... isn't that last few weeks just a mess of emotions? I mean - happy, scared, content, impatient, curious, excited, nervous?  Those were my personal feelings... from first to third! Imagine being Mary and expecting the King of the World! What were her feelings, I wonder? Kinda interesting to think about. I never have learned much about Mary, or even been intrigued to learn more. For some reason, this season I am. Maybe because I am not expecting for the first time in the last 3 Christmases. I just can't imagine... I though I had pressure... but it can't be even CLOSE to how she must have felt! She was young, too! 

I hope everyone of you is doing better about being on it for Christmas! Do you have any quick ideas that will help me make this a great Christmas in a jiffy? I could use all the help I can get!!

Holy Macaroni!!

It's almost CHRISTMAS! I am SO far behind on even mentally wrapping my brain around the fact that Thanksgiving passed! We haven't decorated or even bought a present! Am I the only one that's lagging?

Lately, I have just felt so far behind on time. My grandma, who I miss tremendously, passed just a few weeks before Halloween. Time stopped; halloween passed; I was disconnected. Then, just a few days before Thanksgiving, another grandparent, my step-mother's father passed. Again, time stopped; Thanksgiving passed; I was disconnected. We come home from Albuquerque and there's Christmas decorations adorning the houses in my neighborhood. This last week, my step-dad is abulanced to the hospital where they realized he's had not one, but five strokes. The effects are enough to readjust everything, from his job to his home. Times froze. Or maybe my emotions have froze. I'm not sure.

Today we went to church... a MUCH needed break from life. I finally felt caught up in the moment, singing Joy to the World. I finally felt like I could take a deep breath, releasing myself to enjoy the fact that my most favorite holiday is around the corner. That, my friends, was a much needed feeling.

So, tomorrow, I'm blasting the Christmas music, singing praises to Immanuel, who is Christ with us, and I'm reverting to that child inside... counting the days till it's Christmas Eve. And regardless if my step-dad is at home, in the hospital still or rehab, Christmas is coming... and THIS GIRL is ready!